Balloon Mammal Artist

In my part time I am a balloon mammal artist. Notice how I did not say animal? It is a common misconception that balloon artists can make whatever creature one desires, when in reality, not only are reptiles under sanction from the Guild Associates for Young Balloon Outdoors-men Inc. or GAYBOI, but also the inherent responsibility for maintaining balloon standards for reptiles has proven controversial at best.

If you all have a passion for balloons and are interested in becoming a balloon mammal artist please let me know. I will do my best to answer any questions you might have as well as providing tips from my up and coming publication: Transforming the Balloon: A self-help guide through the eyes of a Balloon Mammal Artist.

Is a square a mammal?

Good Question! No, unfortunately squares do not fall under the balloon mammal category. That being said, this isn't a truly black and white issue...

At the 1995 annual balloon conference such a question was posed to renowned balloon mammal artist Gary Stingray. Here was his response:

"While squares in and of themselves do not fall into the balloon mammal criteria, if one were to sketch two sets of hooves with a sharpie pen, then yes it would meet specifications for balloon mammalia."

So there you have it. If you have any other questions please don't hesitate to ask.

Mr. Stingray's work is so inspirational...

What are the challenges of today's Balloon mammal artist? Is that covered in your book?

Agreed.

Glad you asked! Just like any other vocation, balloon mammal artists are imposed with the responsibility and issues of today. Global warming for example, we have seen a 3% volume increase (breath to balloon capacity, or bbc) in our balloons. Not only does this bbc trend threaten our specifications, but endangers the end-user with volatile mammals that have a 20% increased burst rate.

One thing to keep in mind however, is that GAYBOI members are very proactive and will not sit idly by while such dangers loom. GAYBOI has implemented a balloon mammal rewards card, granting mammal points to those who engage in carpooling, group bathing, and other eco-friendly practices.

To read about this and other issues facing modern day balloon mammal artists please check out chapter 7 of my book: 'Modern Day Mammals'.

I think I just jizzed myself.